I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
