dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
