He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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