90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
