i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
worst night to have a conscience
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
