maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
