The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
