sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Buhtt sex?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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