I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
