Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
