it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
