i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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