um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
