my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
