cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
