I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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