Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
