I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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