those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I currently don't understand fingers.
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