God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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