I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
