what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
