You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this is an emotional support booty call
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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