The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
