"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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