my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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