If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
