So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it's like iHOP with fire
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
