Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
