Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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