dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
