Will you blow on my dice?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
