I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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