....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
