how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
