wanna go halves on a baby?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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