I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
