I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mom said you looked used
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
