My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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