Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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