Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
