woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
