At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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