And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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