i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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