I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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