No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
