Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
