And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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