just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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