I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I did not marry a roomba.
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