Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
