some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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