Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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