Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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