new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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