1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
