I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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