i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
