3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
