dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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